Funny Christmas Quotes

Here's a selection of what I think are some of the best Christmas quotes. I hope you like them too!
Obviously "best" is a matter of personal preference, but maybe you'll have similar taste to me. Personally, I like quotes that are funny or give you the warm fuzzies, but are not overbearingly sentimental.

What are your favourite Christmas quotes? If you have one that you think deserves to be a place in my list of the "World's Best Christmas Quotes", then let me know!

When I made this list, I had Christmas card writing in mind. So, most of the quotes are perfect as Christmas card quotes that you can write alongside your personalmessage in your Christmas cards.

Funny Christmas Quotes

I hope that these funny Christmas sayings and humorous Christmas quotes bring a smile to your face like they did to mine!

By the way, I've deliberately left out quotes that I found too cynical. There are some very funny Christmas card sayings out there that on second thoughts reveal a dim view of human nature. Funny as they might be, they didn't make it onto my best Christmas quotes list. You might call this the optimists-only list :-)

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
~Larry Wilde

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
~Kin Hubbard

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
~Carol Nelson

Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal."
~Lenore Hershey

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
~Anon

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
~G.K. Chesterton

Heartwarming/Cute Best Christmas Quotes

My favourite cute Christmas quotes to make you feel warm inside :-) Mostly they're short enough to work well as Christmas card quotes.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
~Burton Hillis

Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.
~Anon

From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
~Emily Matthews

Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don't quite know how to put our love into words.
~Harlan Miller

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness."
~Bob Hope

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,The gladness of Christmas give you hope,The warmth of Christmas grant you love.
~Anon

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
~Oren Arnold

To the American People: Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world."
~Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933), American president. Presidential message (December 25, 1927)

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas."
~Peg Bracken

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!
~Anon

Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.
~Janice Maeditere

Heap on the wood!-the wind is chill;
But let it whistle as it will,
We'll keep our Christmas merry still.
~Sir Walter Scott

I love the Christmas-tide, and yet,
I notice this, each year I live;
I always like the gifts I get,
But how I love the gifts I give!
~Carolyn Wells

A Christmas candle is a lovely thing;It makes no noise at all,But softly gives itself away;While quite unselfish, it grows small. ~Eva K. Logue